Years before future Supernatural leading man Jensen Ackles would join Days of Our Lives as Eric Brady, the NBC soap aged the character’s twin sister, Sami, and returned her to Salem in the form of Alison Sweeney, who was not only a fan of the show but a 16-year-old showbiz vet who’d already been a series regular on the short-lived

No sooner had Roman and Marlena Brady’s daughter set foot back in Salem than she’d decided that she was head over heels in love with buff boxer Austin Reed (Patrick Muldoon here). That he turned out to be the boyfriend of her half sister, Carrie, was of little concern. What followed was a never-ending tug of war between the sibling rivals and Austin’s half brother, Lucas Roberts Horton, who was smitten with Carrie but far better suited to Sami.

Upon learning that baby sister Belle had been fathered not by Roman but “Roman” — aka Marlena’s true love, John Black — Sami first altered the paternity-test results to keep her family intact, then made plans to sell the newborn on the black market. “She’s small,” Sami reasoned. “Who’s gonna notice that she’s missing?” Unfortunately for Sami, everybody noticed that the kid (pictured here as a teenage Kirsten Storms) had been ’napped.

Were you to ask Sami, it would be that stepdad John is in it with her mom and twin brother, and not her actual father. But that’s what Photoshop was invented for, right, Sami?

After slipping Austin a mickey that landed him in her bed, a pregnant Sami at last got him to the altar… only to have Carrie reveal that the baby had actually been fathered by Lucas. So it was Carrie to whom Austin said, “I do,” not his treacherous new… Oh, that had to have been awkward. His treacherous new sister-in-law. Mazel tov?

Eons before Ben Weston prettied up Death Row, Sami came thisclose to receiving a lethal injection for the murder of would-be husband Franco Kelly — a crime that had actually been committed by Lucas. Did we mention how deeply felt is the sentiment that Lumi are soulmates? Did we need to? No? Cool. (Also, as you may have guessed, this is not a picture of Sami on Death Row.)

Sami could have gotten her happy ending with Abe Carver’s son, Brandon Walker (despite his obvious discomfort with shirtlessness). But she just couldn’t help herself — she lied and lied and lied to the point that on their wedding day, the groom learned more “You are/are not the father!” secrets than you’d get in an entire season of The Maury Povich Show. Afterwards, he did what anyone with a working brain cell would and ran for the hills.

While Sweeney was on maternity leave in 2005, Days of Our Lives had Sami seek revenge  on her enemies in what was obviously the most practical way possible: by running around Salem masquerading as a dude named Stan (played by Dan Wells, pictured). As so often happens with her plots, this one backfired. In the end, she not only wound up being sent to fight in Afghanistan, she also nearly got convicted of treason — and not by one of her husbands, either.

After spending so many years throwing sparks — whether of the romantic or antagonistic variety — that it’s a wonder they never burned down Salem, the scheme team of Sami and Lucas decided to make an honest woman and man of one another. Or as honest as either of them were ever gonna get. But alas, their wedding was interrupted by the groom’s mother, Kate Roberts, who spilled the beans about Sami’s stint as troublemaking Stan.

In 2006, Sami maneuvered Austin (then Austin Peck) in the direction of the altar yet again — this time, by hatching a plot to convince him and Carrie that they shared a genetic marker that would adversely affect any children that they might have. But, as will happen when one makes as many enemies as the bride does, she received a call on her wedding day threatening to ruin her if she didn’t call it off.

This looks like just a lovely photo of Roman and Marlena walking their little girl down the aisle at one of her weddings, right? But what it actually is is an illustration of the best strategy that Sami’s parents ever found to keep the hurricane in check. “You take that arm, I’ll take this one, and may the odds be ever in our favor!”

Actually, “It’s complicated” doesn’t even begin to cover the early days of Sami’s relationship with EJ DiMera (then James Scott), what with him blackmailing her into having sex and her nearly setting him on fire. In hopes of flambéing him, it bears mentioning. After having twins — one fathered by Lucas, the other by EJ — Sami was forced by DiMera patriarch Stefano to marry into the family.

To keep EJ from finding out that she’d had yet another of his children while in witness protection, Sami claimed to have adopted a baby while out of town. Ya know, as anyone would. Of course, what even she didn’t know was that her newborn had been swapped out with another by EJ’s resourceful new squeeze, Nicole Walker.

Though Sami really, truly fell in love with her witness protection… um, protector, Rafe Hernandez, their marriage was motivated less by that fact than by her need to keep from coming to light that she’d shot EJ in the head and left him to die. (Did we mention that “it’s complicated”?) Of course, upon recovering, EJ did what any sane person would and had Rafe replaced by a doppelganger. Wait, what?!?

After Rafe’s sister, Gabi, accidentally killed Nick Fallon, sorta nemeses Sami and Kate helped dispose of the body. But — seriously, do we need to tell you? — Nick wasn’t really dead and soon returned to blackmail the coconspirators. Thankfully, the next time that Gabi killed Nick, she was way better at it. Maybe because it was on purpose?

EJ and Sami’s subsequent stab at togetherness drew blood when she found out that he’d slept with Abigail Deveraux. Furious, Sami had him arrested for insider trading and took over his family’s company. Yet somehow, they forgave one another and were prepared to become man and wife again… until he was fatally shot. His last words to her? “You were worth everything.”

Sami was devastated when son Will was murdered by Necktie Killer Ben Weston. But she’d later learn that not only was her baby boy actually alive, so was EJ. It was Salem, after all. Upon finding out where her on-again/off-again husband was being kept, his sorta “widow” devoted herself to helping him recover.

Returning to Salem just in time to crash Nicole and Eric’s nuptials, Sami caused a scene, one that only grew in intensity once she found out she was the last to know that daughter Allie was pregnant! Thankfully, Sami and Nicole fought less physically over baby Henry than they had over that wedding cake. That poor, poor wedding cake.

See the expression being worn here by EJ (now Dan Feuerriegel)? That’s pretty much a tame version of his reaction to learning that, while he and Sami were apart, she indulged in a bit of that ol’ “Lumi” magic. Then, when she otherwise might have been attempting to undo the damage to her marriage, she went and got kidnapped!

Convinced that EJ was behind her abduction, Sami doubled down on her flimsy commitment to Lucas, who — wait for it — was really behind her kidnapping. Does Sami have any normal relationships? Rhetorical question. No. No, she does not.

Reeling from Lucas’ betrayal, Sami boomeranged back to EJ… just in time to catch him in flagrante delicto with Belle (now Martha Madison). “Dang it,” thought Sami, and not for the first time. “If only I’d managed to sell that brat when she was a baby!”

Don’t let the smiles fool you. Sami’s return to Salem three years later was anything but a “Group hug!” kinda scenario. Johnny had just learned the horrific circumstances of his conception, and EJ had been shot. Coincidence?